To my crazy ex

To my crazy ass ex who was never even my girlfriend,
Looking back today having a discussion with a virtual stranger, I realized that our "relationship" was just that. For years, we were in a codependent love/hate on/off relationship that was definitely damaging.

You were my first crush.
The only girl I've ever felt that way about.
My best friend.
The person I turned to.
The person who turned people against me.
I loved you.
I hate you.

I still dream about you. I still question everything that went on with us.
You still influence my every relationship. I'm working on that.
Now that I've realized what we had (what we didn't have), I can recognize it. I can get over it. I can work on beating it.
Someday, I will be able to say that I've gotten you out of my system.
That you no longer affect me.
Because I'm my own person. I  refuse to allow you to affect me, long after you've left my life. After I've left yours.
I've begun to define myself on my own terms. This is another step in the direction towards me. The best me.

Thank you for showing me the best of you, the worst of you. You gave me that crazy ex that everyone seems to have. The person we all learn from. Because I did learn a lot from you. And I'll never forget it.

I'm done. Someday I may show you I'm done, but it's not my problem any more. It's yours.